On Wednesday, May 21st, Tim and I experienced what I would consider the hardest thing a parent has to experience, and that is watching your child suffer or be in pain and being able to do nothing about it. You want to turn back time. To take their pain. To somehow blink and make it all go away. You want to kiss away the pain and say "aww, it's okay" and for it to truly be okay. Hindsight, yes, it is all okay. Everyone is going to be fine...but on Wednesday, May 21st, and the days following, we didn't think it would be.
We had a fun day that day. Megan's last day of preschool was that morning.
We took our traditional "Last day of preschool" sign pics and even had her pose with her teacher one last time before summer break officially began.
That afternoon, Tyler and Megan were playing outside, something they have done every day since the weather started being warm consistently. They were having a blast. Tim was home and working on a project out in his shop so every now and then, they would pop inside to say hi to me or pop out to Tim's shop to say hi to him. At some point in the later afternoon during one of those pop in's, Tyler grabbed a pair of trimming sheers that he has been instructed not to touch in the past, and took them out in the yard and started cutting dandelions. He and Megan had a whole bucket of them. Megan was apparently holding one up between both hands (like a doctor would an umbilical cord), and Tyler went to cut it and accidentally got her right pointer finger instead. They immediately ran to Tim, who was still in his shop, and after seeing how quickly she was losing blood, immediately applied pressure and came running inside. I was in the kitchen making Ryan's formula when I heard the garage door burst open to two screaming children and I heard Tim say, "We need to go, now!" What happened is honestly a blur...it is what has kept me up at night since the moment it happened. Its the moments I want to erase but keep reliving again and again. We called Jay and Nancy and they were up in probably a minute or less, it seemed. I briefly looked at the finger, just long enough to know it was bad, and then Tim sat down in the kitchen with Megan, just holding pressure, while I went out and tried to find my daughter's finger tip. I was as calm as I could possibly be. Tyler was with me and I tried to get a clear story as to what happened but in both Tyler and I's state at that time, it wasn't happening. He did walk me through what they were doing though and we looked in the grass together. He was so scared. Megan is his best friend. The one he holds hands with when walking down the street, completely unprompted, the one he runs to see first thing in the morning, the one that will probably always and forever hear his secrets. I know he didn't mean to hurt her and he will unfortunately live with what happened for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, I was not able to talk with him, more than just those few minutes because of the urgency of the situation. We considered calling an ambulance. I was truly paralyzed by my fear. It doesn't matter that I see things like this and much worse where I work. It doesn't matter that I have 8 years experience as an ER nurse. Nothing could have prepared me for something like this. Somehow, by God's grace, I was able to quickly finish the baby's formula, find gauze, a towel, my keys, and my purse, give instructions to our neighbors for the other kids and drive Tim holding our sweet Megan to the hospital.
Even though it was probably shock related, I am so thankful that Megan fell asleep in Tim's arms on the way. I am not sure I would have been able to handle her crying out in pain that whole time. The 20 minute drive to the hospital felt like an eternity but we made it and were taken straight to a room (could have been a perk of employment, regardless, we are thankful). Within minutes, we were seen and told by the PA that her results would be best if the piece was found. We had left Jay and Nancy to do that but since they were caring for the others, they couldn't focus on that, so Tim left and made it home just in time for us to get one of the worst storms of the year, lightning, hail, torrential rain, the whole bit. Meanwhile, they had ordered an xray to see if there was any bone involvement. It was in the xray room when she put her palm down on the table that I realized for the first time how bad it was. There are no words actually, so, I'm moving on...
Even though it was probably shock related, I am so thankful that Megan fell asleep in Tim's arms on the way. I am not sure I would have been able to handle her crying out in pain that whole time. The 20 minute drive to the hospital felt like an eternity but we made it and were taken straight to a room (could have been a perk of employment, regardless, we are thankful). Within minutes, we were seen and told by the PA that her results would be best if the piece was found. We had left Jay and Nancy to do that but since they were caring for the others, they couldn't focus on that, so Tim left and made it home just in time for us to get one of the worst storms of the year, lightning, hail, torrential rain, the whole bit. Meanwhile, they had ordered an xray to see if there was any bone involvement. It was in the xray room when she put her palm down on the table that I realized for the first time how bad it was. There are no words actually, so, I'm moving on...
Megan started crying upon our arrival to the ER and didn't stop until well after the xrays were finished, even though they had numbed her entire finger by that point. She would bury her face in my chest and cried that she just wanted to go home. I so wished that my kisses could have made her feel better. At some point in there, I was scared enough that I wanted other people praying. I sent texts to family and friends and asked them to pray. Just a short time after the xray, one of my nurse friends came in and read the radiologist report to me. The radiologist confirmed what I already knew, bone was missing. I called Tim to see if he had any luck and in that time period, one of our friends had actually showed up to help Tim look. It rained somewhere between 2-5 inches of rain during that time, so they didn't exactly have much in their favor.
It only took one look from the PA to know that a plastic surgeon was needed. This plastic surgeon is very good but I guess you have to wait a long time for him. For instance, he will say he will be there in 15 minutes and 3 hours later, he will show up. It just so happened that he was already in the ER on another case and we waited 30 minutes (which is when Megan got numbed up, xrays, and her IV started). He told us that if he had the piece, he would attach it, but he also didn't think we should continue searching if we hadn't found it yet because at this point, her finger just needed fixed...it hadn't stopped bleeding yet. After Tim left, I had continued to hold pressure.
Our brave little girl endured painful injections to numb her finger, xrays, an IV start, and suturing, like a champ. I am so proud of her, words just can't express it. For obvious reasons, I hadn't thought to take pictures much before this point, but I am so glad that while he was suturing it, I did. She was so relaxed, watching a movie on an Ipad, while the surgeon fixed her finger. I hope this is all she remembers of it.
Our brave little girl endured painful injections to numb her finger, xrays, an IV start, and suturing, like a champ. I am so proud of her, words just can't express it. For obvious reasons, I hadn't thought to take pictures much before this point, but I am so glad that while he was suturing it, I did. She was so relaxed, watching a movie on an Ipad, while the surgeon fixed her finger. I hope this is all she remembers of it.
She even flashed a smile when he was all done.
She's been sleeping with that flamingo since they gave it to her in the ER. It just so happens to be her favorite color. :)
It has been a week since all this happened. Megan is such a trooper. She picked up a crayon to color and just started coloring with her left hand instead. She has been eating with her left hand, as if she had been doing that all along. She has NEVER complained or been frustrated with her bandage and we just couldn't be more proud of her. Other than during that first night, she hasn't had too much pain and is just facing all of this with the bravery of the little engine that could. Her wound is healing as nicely as possible and we have an appointment today with the surgeon for a check up before hopefully getting the stitches out next week.
It has been a week since all this happened. Megan is such a trooper. She picked up a crayon to color and just started coloring with her left hand instead. She has been eating with her left hand, as if she had been doing that all along. She has NEVER complained or been frustrated with her bandage and we just couldn't be more proud of her. Other than during that first night, she hasn't had too much pain and is just facing all of this with the bravery of the little engine that could. Her wound is healing as nicely as possible and we have an appointment today with the surgeon for a check up before hopefully getting the stitches out next week.
I, however, am a complete wreck. I know its not an arm or a leg and is really only the tip (almost all of the fingernail), but each dressing change when we see what is now Megan's permanent hand print, brings up all the emotions once again. Fear has set in...I don't want any of the kids outside. I don't want them out of my sight. I failed at protecting my children from harm. I cried tonight as Megan went out to play at our house for the first time since the accident. I was a complete wreck when I was going through pictures on my camera's flash drive and saw the pictures that I posted above as she held her "last day of preschool" sign, every finger grasping hold...maybe it sounds silly, but I don't think my heart will ever be the same. I am strong when I am with her, because she is so strong, but I weep when I am alone. Those little fingers used to wrap around mine while I rocked her to sleep as a baby. Those little fingers curled around my fingers as she took her first steps. Those hand prints are all over my walls and windows and adorn various craft papers from school. Those little fingers and those precious hand prints will never be the same.
I serve a God who is good. I serve a God who is loving and does not wish for any of His children to suffer. However, this experience has really challenged me to take those learned truths from my childhood and really apply them in my heart. God has an amazing plan for Megan. Her persistent, sweet, personality is going to be used by Him and who knows, as one of my dear friends challenged to me last night, Megan may be able to share the gospel with more because people will see her finger and ask about it and why she is okay with a piece of her missing from a traumatic experience like this. Maybe this is her open door. I pray Tim and I can get past the traumatic experience that we experienced with her and use all of this for the glory of Christ. We truly have so much to be thankful for. God's hand of protection really was on Megan as this could have been much worse. It could have been more than the tip. It could have been on a night Tim wasn't home. The storm could have happened earlier (there was SIGNIFICANT flooding over the interstate that caused it to be shut down) to where we could not have gotten to the hospital. We could have waited for hours for a plastic surgeon, but instead, he was already there. Megan could have had more pain as we have been told from many others who have experienced similar injuries that it is extremely painful. Megan could be crying about her situation every day, but instead has been like sunshine on a cloudy day. (Not trying to be cheesy there with the song lyrics, its just true) Our precious Tyler thought to pray for Megan on his own, that her finger would get better and he even asked God's forgiveness for his disobedience (in getting the sheers in the first place) without any prompting from us. He also seems to be taking it all really well and has so far not seemed to have any long lasting effects. I could go on and on but the fact remains that our sweet Megan is loved by our Heavenly Father more than I could ever love her and He has a wonderful plan in store for her life regardless of whether or not she has all of her finger.
From the bottom of our hearts, Tim and I thank you so much for all your prayers throughout this journey. The messages and calls and drop in guests are just so encouraging to our hearts.
From the bottom of our hearts, Tim and I thank you so much for all your prayers throughout this journey. The messages and calls and drop in guests are just so encouraging to our hearts.
(picture taken post injury...same, perfect smile)
