Casting all my fears on Him...

As the due date of our baby gets closer, I find myself wishing that maybe, just maybe this time I could just stay pregnant forever.  The reality that this baby has to come out is all too terrifying for me.  Not to mention, newborns are SOOO much easier (and less stressful) to care for when they are inside!  I'll take the insomnia, restless legs, swelling, discomfort and weight gain instead! ;)  Don't get me wrong, I can hardly wait to see our baby's sweet face, to examine every perfect body part, to snuggle them close...I am just terrified.

  I remember when I was expecting Tyler that I didn't experience these same fears.  I was so excited to start the journey of motherhood and because he came much earlier than expected, (1 day shy of 37 weeks) I never got to the uncomfortable/miserable part of pregnancy that everyone talks about at the end.  Of course, I was nervous/scared a bit because of the fear of the unknown, but it paled in comparison to my excitement.

  They say all pregnancies, labors, and deliveries are different but I didn't believe them and of course expected to feel the same with my daughters pregnancy, labor, and delivery.  Unfortunately, 37 weeks came and went as did any comfort I had left.  I was absolutely MISERABLE in the last few weeks of pregnancy.  I was MUCH bigger (gained more than double what I gained with Tyler), had a 14 month old to care for, was sooo swollen and just overall, well, miserable.  I made it to 39 weeks before I asked my doctor to strip my membranes to hopefully put me in to labor.  24 hours after he did it, I woke up with a dull back ache which lasted all day long.  It wasn't awful, just more annoying than anything.  I couldn't get comfortable.  After a trip to the hospital and being told I wasn't in labor and was still only 2 cm (I had been that for weeks) and not effaced at all, they sent me home.  Around 7:30 that night, contractions started and they were INTENSE!  The worst pain of my life and literally didn't feel like it ever was going to stop.  The contractions were literally on top of each other.  I called the doctor on call after an hour of those intense contractions and couldn't even make it through my conversation with him because of the pain but he told me to wait it out another hour since I had just been in previously that day and wasn't very far along yet. "Its unlikely that you have progressed that quickly" he said. 

  To make a long story short, I labored for 2 1/2 hours total before I was holding my baby girl and was only at the hospital for 8 minutes of that.  It wasn't until just recently that I learned that that kind of delivery actually has a name.  Its called a precipitous delivery. I do vaguely remember learning about it in school but that was a long time ago!  It happens in only 2% of all deliveries (basically it means it was under 3 hours from the start of contractions till delivery) and once you have one, you are much more likely to have another.

That is what terrifies me.

  Though I do remember saying after my daughter was born "we should have just had her at home," I would never and will never plan to do a home birth, especially an unassisted home birth!  Or an in the car birth, on the interstate birth, in the hallway or elevator at the hospital birth...sigh. 

  I serve a God who is in control of all things, including something as insignificant as how long I labor, but truly placing all trust and control in His hands is and has always been such a difficult thing for me to do.  All you have to do is type in "precipitous labor" in google and you find all these stories of women who have delivered in bizzare places at ridiculously fast speeds. I read of one woman who went from 4cm to delivered in 15 minutes!  Not to mention all of the side affects the baby can have...pneumothorax, head trauma, broken bones...those things terrify me even more!  Should I opt for a c-section?  Should I have a planned induction so I can at least guarantee I'll be at the hospital?  Should I even be concerned about this? I know the answer to the last question is of course, absolutely not, but the reality is, I am.  Its what floods my thoughts here lately. 

Like I said though, all pregnancies, labors and deliveries are different and what I experienced last time may not be anything like what I experience this time.  I could have a 36 hour labor and be at the hospital for 35 of that because of my history...who knows.  What I do know is that God really is in control and worrying about it is going to do nothing good for me, or the baby.  He knows the outcome and its because of that that I feel like its just silly for me to not trust Him.  I have my moments of fear and worry.  I have my doubts that I can't do this all again.  But I have NO doubts in my God that He can and WILL get me through this last month, through labor, through delivery, and through all of the negative things I, at times, choose to dwell and focus on.  His plans for my life are perfect and I long to fully trust Him with it.
Below are some of the verses I plan to have with me close by when I do start the labor and delivery process.

Philippians 4:6-7, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

 2 Corinthians 12:9, "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Isaiah 26:3, "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You."

1 Peter 5:7 "casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

James 1:3-4 "knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

I have definitely learned that keeping the Truth close by when Satan attacks with fears and anxiety is the only way to get through those low times.  Each of you that actually read this are free to keep me accountable to that too!  5 weeks and 3 days left...I can do this through Christ who strengthens me!

Boonshoft Museum of Discovery

 Tim and I decided to go ahead and get a year long membership at Boonshoft which is a discovery museum only about 10-15 minutes from our house.  I am SOOO glad we did!  We had been there just one other time, probably close to a year ago, and though we enjoyed it then too, it was so much more fun now that both kids could actually discover things. :)  

It was a little crowded while we were there, probably due to it being spring break, but the kids sure didn't mind!  I was by myself with both of them, so a little nervous at first trying to keep them both somewhat contained in the same area.  But Tyler did SOOO well. I was so proud of him for listening and obeying me the entire time we were in there.  So, really, I only had to keep tabs on Megan. :)  I may be 8 months pregnant, but we even enjoyed the big tall slide together!  Only one time though...shew!  Its a long climb up there with two kids!  I don't have pictures of the big tall slide that the kids absolutely LOVED but here are some of the other things the kids enjoyed!

 

 

 

 

 The pretend store

 My little OCD heart couldn't have been more proud to see Tyler organizing all the bottles on the shelf! :)  This was completely unprompted by me! Grandma Carr would be proud too. ;)

 Megan liked playing with the cash register until she realized it didn't actually work

 They LOVED and spent most of their time playing with the recycling truck.  You organize the recycle stuff and then press the lever on the back to send it shooting out the back into the recycling container.

 Of course, they had to drive it too. :)  Though, Megan just assumed her position in the passenger seat.

 I couldn't help but post this one...if you click on it, you can see the lady in the background.  Tim and I both busted up laughing when we saw this one for the first time.  We have no idea who she is and I don't remember what she was doing in this picture (she did have two kids back there with her that you just can't see) but it made a somewhat boring picture of my kids in the truck a whole lot more fun! :)

I see many trips to Boonshoft in our future, especially on rainy days this spring/summer!  Also, our membership gets us 50% off at a lot of zoos and other attractions.  We've already made use of it at the end of March when we went to the Columbus zoo.  So, family, when you come to visit, we will have to make sure we make it to Boonshoft!

Megan's Big Girl Bed

 Though I've always dreamed of Megan being able to have a super cute girly room all to herself, our 3 bedroom house simply does not allow for it!  With the new baby coming in 6 weeks or so, we knew we had to get Megan out of the crib so that we could use that for the baby. So, Tyler and Megan are now sharing a room and bunk beds.  And oh what an adjustment it has been!  I will say of all the adjustments we've had to make, cutting out binkie's, breaking the swaddling habit with Megan, transitioning Tyler to a big boy bed, top bunk, etc, this one has DEFINITELY been the hardest.  I thought we might have a few rough nights, but today was night 10 and the FIRST night that we didn't have to go in to get one of them out of the other's bed, to stop them from playing, or to discipline one of them for talking.  Maybe there really is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)  Anyway, I wanted to post some pictures of Megan's first night in her bed.

Seeing her new bed for the first time

 Definitely a little unsure...you can see how she is grasping a hold of her baby's leg!

 

 But then Daddy swooped in and made everything all better. :)

 

 Once we actually turned to walk out, its like she didn't realize that she was actually going to be sleeping here.  She had spent many a day playing in this bed with her brother, why in the world was she going to sleep in it!

 I am definitely very glad we decided to go ahead and put the rail on the bed.  Tyler was actually a few weeks older than Megan was when we moved her in to a big girl bed but he has never once fallen out of bed.  As you can see, Megan doesn't quite understand this concept and we hear her all over the place in the middle of the night.  Thankfully though, she doesn't fall out past the railing!  She does hit her head on the other side though, against the wall.  No railing on that side, so for now, we've just added a blanket there.

As I said, this has, by far, been our hardest and longest transition.  I have spent many a night and nap time in tears, praying for wisdom with how we can make this easier on the kids and on us.  I have definitely caved a few times (more so in the first few days) and moved Megan back to her crib. We are still teaching them what it means to be quiet and to actually go to sleep vs play.  I do think if we had a designated play room instead of all their toys being in the same room where they sleep that it would be easier.  Its hard for them to understand the difference between play time and rest time!  But, as it always does, persistence and consistency are paying off and they are starting to get the hang of it.  Tonight was sheer bliss for us as parents!  We sang to them like always, rocked them, said our prayers, put them in their beds, turned out the lights, closed the door, and presto, sleeping kids! Just like it used to be before they shared a room.  I could definitely get used to this! :)  Prayers appreciated that it will continue and that Tim and I will continue to have the patience and persistence we need to press on through this time of transition!

Easter Outfits

 Almost forgot to post pictures from Easter Sunday!  Here are the pics we snapped (very rushed!) before our company came for lunch.  I was disappointed we couldn't try for some better family shots, but you can only do and expect so much from 2 young kids when you have the camera on a tripod with a remote and expect them to smile! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Love my blue eyed boy!  Almost THREE years old!!! Where has the time gone!

Coloring Easter Eggs

 This is something I've wanted to do for a couple years but haven't yet braved it...coloring eggs.  It is still WAY not age appropriate, at least not for my two!  But they enjoyed it. :)

 

 waiting...

 Megan was so excited about coloring her egg she couldn't wait to get it in the dye!

 so, she threw it. :)

 Notice Tyler has blue lips...because apparently, thats what you do with an egg after you color it...eat it!

 

 Megan was so sweet...she took her little egg, wrapped it up in the newspaper and said...

 shhh!  It was sleeping. :)

 :)  They loved it but I am very thankful that its only a once a year activity. I'm not one for the extra mess!

More Easter Egg hunting!

 The kids so enjoyed the church's egg hunt, we decided to just throw the eggs out again that evening in our yard for them to do it again.

 

 

 Tyler scored quite the loot!

 Megan may have only been able to get about 4 eggs before her brother nabbed them, but she was sure proud of them!

So proud in fact that when I took her basket away (to hide them again) she literally threw a FIT and was absolutely devastated and quickly began gathering her precious eggs up again.  I wish I would have had a picture of those pathetic tears but I couldn't bring myself to take a picture of her because she was so upset.  So, we only hid them once more at our house but the kids were perfectly content with that. :)

Our Church's Easter Egg Hunt

 Our church had an Easter Egg hunt this year.  We had a pretty good turn out of kids and it was definitely a great ministry opportunity! Our pastor took the time to explain what the empty egg can represent, (the empty tomb!) while all the parents listened as well.  We did have some of the families even come to church the next day! 

 

 Tyler always seems to be shy at events with lots of people.  I guess he takes after his antisocial parents. :)

 

 Once the kids were let loose outside though, Tyler opened right up and was all over gathering up the eggs!

 I loved how they had it separated by age so that the little ones weren't being trampled over.

 Megan got the hang of it pretty quick too!

 I seemed to have taken a lot of pictures of Sophie...I think its just because of those curls ;)

 

 

 

 

 I am not sure how many eggs Brett got but he did enjoy just playing with the rocks. :)

 :)

 Grace

 Emma and Sophie checkin' out their loot

 

 Not all of the eggs had something in them...some of them were empty, just like Jesus' tomb! But there were some that had a pass to the store in them where the kids were able to get Bibles, Christian movies, candy, and small toys.  It was soo neat to see one of the girls who doesn't normally come to church walk out with a Bible in her hand!

 :)

 

 

 The big kids checking out their eggs

 Noah showing me his cool car

 Visiting the store

It was certainly a fun time had by all the kids (and adults too) and I hope it becomes an annual tradition.  Its important that we not loose sight of what Easter is all about, getting caught up in the bunnies and candy and instead focus on the empty "egg" of Christ's tomb!  

"Death could not keep its prey, Jesus my Savior!  He tore the bars away, Jesus my Lord!  Up from the grave He arose!!!!"